Am I unsolvable?
Believe it or not this is such a common question when people finally reach my desk.
They're really wondering by this point:
* Can anyone help me?
* Can anybody help me or am I just unfixable?
This is a very disempowering place to be. If we know anything about healing, being disempowered isn't going to support the effort. I believe that people need to believe they can heal and that they are in fact capable with the right direction and guidance.
This blog was inspired by two separate women that came to me recently. Both women brought situations which were complex, and indeed they had been told this repeatedly. Both are what could be called mystery cases. Both had multiple traumas from childhood, left unaddressed and both live life from the good girl personality. Lastly, both had multiple physical insults and unaddressed triggers.
After the physical assessment, we looked next at the mental and emotional assessment. What concepts were at work? What limiting beliefs were in place? What neural constructs were causing failing functioning? Interestingly, the primary concept at play for both were lack of significance/being seen.
We ended up talking about their beliefs and most importantly, if they believed they could heal. Even though it matters more what THEY believe, they had both come from situations in which they trusted authorities hired to help them, and ended in disappointment. Due to this, they both needed to hear if I believed they could feel better. (Concept #1: we need to work on both of them that THEIR beliefs are the only ones that matter AND their beliefs have to be supportive of where they are going, not where they've been.)
Both women are in a place right now of trust building. DOES someone exist that can really and truly help? They needed to interview me and allow trust to naturally unfold, if it was going to. So here is the answer to the question if I believe they could heal:
- I believe people need to feel significant as a key component in a healthy and happy life. When health concerns have been brought to the table, they need to feel valued and valuable, otherwise what's the point of life?
- I believe one key to success is that we need the opportunity to interview and go to someone we trust. Especially in the case of complex situations with multiple layers of health issues you can imagine these two particular clients have been everywhere tried everything. The idea that they might not trust is of primary importance at this point. Wouldn't you? If you've been promised the world and the programs didn't work for you? I think you would come up with the same conclusions that: a.)either there's something so wrong with you that you can't be fixed or b.) that no one can help you or c.)that you're not being heard and so the real problems can't be addressed. Both of these clients needed the opportunity to interview me before we even moved into the work. Both of these clients because of their complexity and their developed lack of trust I knew we could not do any work until trust had been established.
- But I fully believe true healing goes beyond a face to face trust. Most importantly, your body needs to be trained to trust YOU, and YOU need to be re-trained to trust the world, addressing any concepts that have brought you to the place of believing the world is a scary place to be.
- I believe that in complex cases when a person has been trained into the fight or flight nervous system pretty chronically my first order of business is to help the body establish parasympathetic dominance. The body needs to be in the primary nervous system that is set up to heal. Currently both of these clients are in the signify phase of the work we will do. During this step, I'm not only collecting data and getting assessments but I am listening for triggers. I am looking for what is significant about this person or their experience and what the triggers that took them out of a healing relaxed state of innate ability to recover.
- We are also looking at the person's level of belief in their own significance and the belief that they are CAPABLE. At one point in both of their initial consultations with me did I hear the phrase "I can't believe no one has ever talked to me about this before." They had no idea that their experiences tied together, that the mono one had as a teenager, or the car accident, or the lyme's diagnosis and treatment, or the strict parenting had any say on their current health outcome. They could now see that working on the visible debris that had collected on the outside of the snowball wasn't going to get them very far.
- So do I believe you can heal or that anyone can help you? Or that you're unsolvable? Absolutely not unsolvable. I don’t think there’s anything to “solve”. We need to understand the “what is” and then provide structure to make a different outcome, by choice.
- I believe we can't do any real work until the nervous system agrees with us.
- I believe it has to be in a good state of non fear.
- I believe we have to understand this person sitting in front of us and the experiences that have made their body act the way that it does.
- I believe we need to understand that the body is always doing what it's doing to try to protect us. That is the mammalian older evolutionary system of protection and survival of the fittest. So we need to see what are we subconsciously trying to protect. Where is the perceived threat? Only then can we move on into the other phases and get to work on the physical body and retraining neural programming.
Yes I think you can be helped when and if you're ready. I don't think life exists without an ability to discover itself and change. Life is change and we are in a constant state of never being the same. My belief is to continuously put in the best ingredients and see what comes up.
Resources to help you:
Growing Tree and Action Steps Chart worksheets
ANMC Holistic Health, the Advanced Nutrition and Lifestyle Management Center, was founded by Amanda Plevell, a Natural Health Practitioner and Clinical Nutritionist. Together with ANMC’s team of support professionals, she’s bringing the pieces of nutrition, the mind, and therapeutic ongoing relationships to the healthcare continuum. ANMC combines curated education programs with personalized plans that make it easy for anyone, anywhere to benefit from.
“Our unique offer fills in the gaps to complete your picture and provides a powerful therapeutic relationship for a complete whole health solution, because I know that our clients want to have all the pieces, education, and trust so that they can make informed decisions for themselves.”